Squirrel Soup, Anyone?

Sit down and have a bowl while you listen to the tales of Saddy Dumpington

Anakin Skywalker, aka Smelly Boy

Star Wars Episode III: The Backstroke of the West is out on DVD. I personally think it's an improvement on the original. L should especially appreciate the quality translation.

Hey, The Cheat. Did We Catch Anything in the Death Hole Today?

I'm waiting for Cool Tapes Greatest Hits to be released on BitTorrent

A Birthday Ode to Dudette

By this time tomorrow night, I will be in upstate NY, throwing down with my Best Friend of the Female Persuasion, aka Dudette, for her birthday festivities. (I checked and there are no tropical systems on the map, but I'm not taking any chances and calling in my karmic chits.)

A small word about Dudette. Ok, lots of them.

Of the many and varied reasons I believe in God, one of the most profound to me is the blessings of the friends I have in my life. Dudette is one of them. I'm not so presumptuous to think He uprooted her & her hubby TheBigGuy from her comfy upstate NY setting and dumped her into (in her mind) the living hell of 90+ degrees summers of Florida for my sake, solely or even partially. But had it not happened, I could most certainly been the poorer for it. Dudette has been friend to me for nearly a decade in just about every way I can imagine, and especially in the ways it matters most. I could ramble on about how, but, to me, one way says it best. When she asks "How are you?", she means it. Not in that faux way we ask people passing by in the halls where a "Good." and nothing more is expected. She means, "How are you?" And if you know me, then you know how much I treasure things like that. So, God willing, tomorrow night, I'll be making a well-deserved toast.

Buuuut, not get all warm & fuzzy, lemme toss out some little bits of whimsy she & I have developed over the years. They may be meaningless to you, but this is her post.

Favorite Dudette Quotes or Lines

• "That's a very nice hat." ("You like it? Uh!")
• "Chicken. Good!"
• "In the pipe, 5 by 5."
• "He's kinda funny lookin'..."
• "It's my deal!"
• "I think..."
• "I'm just sayin'..."
• "Giddyup!"
• "Well, let's start the insanity!"
• "What is the crab leg protocol?"
• "Have you tried dividing image into quarters?"
• "I want this bear, Dave. I want him bad."
• "It's my couch! My couch! Don't they understand?!"
• "The devil lives in deep river."
• "And I should care because...?" (aka, "And this affects me how...?")
• "Then we just slam out some code..."
• "Right right right."
• "You're worse. Much Much Worse."
• "You know..."

(and last but certainly not least) "Geezamoli"

The "Progression" Chart (inspired by the Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale)

1. Incomprehensible
2. Incoherent
3. Meaningless
4. Pointless
5. Absurd (aka Ridiculous)
6. Ill-Advised
7. Dubious
8. Incorrect (aka Wrong)
9. Moot

Happy Birthday, Dudette!

I Bet He Was Playing Diablo

So some whacko dies after playing a video game for nearly 3 days straight. I gotta tell you, this has got to be one of the... Er, hold on... My conscience is calling.

What do you want? Can't you see I'm blogging?
That's not nice, making light of his death like that.
Well, I didn't mean to... Oh, c'mon, 50 straight hours?
He's dead. Have some sympathy.
He had a heart attack from playing a video game!
Oh, right. Like you've never gone on a game bender.
That was different! I had to finish Final Fantasy 7 before I gave my mom that old PC.
And Diablo?
I didn't quit my job for it!
And he died happy...
Happy? He was curling up on a makeshift cot in the corner of the room.
And you have a better idea?
Damn straight! When Nicole Kidman massages my temples while Monica Belluci peels me grapes, then we can talk about checking out.

Ok, you know what? I'm going to have to skip the commentary on this so I can wrestle with my Id or Ego or whoever the hell keeps singing the Kenya Song up there. Damn voices...

I Never Knew I Had It So Good...

With all this talk about identity theft, I figured I'd best check up and see where my identity had been running around whilst I doze. Naturally, the best way to find out anything is to google it (and thus the English language takes another step towards... well, I don't know where, but somewhere along the way, I learned to use Google as a verb. My elementary grammar teacher would be shocked. Shocked I tell ya!)

At any rate. So, I Googled my name. Well. It appears I'm quite the man about town. I never knew I had it so good. Did you know your favorite Time Lord is also:

- An esteemed professor at two major universities
- Quite the well paid athelete
- A reputable seller of fine foods and liquors
- A talented artist of paintings and sculptures

I'm quite pleased with myself, although no listings could be found for that trophy wife I'm in need of. (Monical Belluci still hasn't returned my call, I'm sure her cell phone just needs recharging.) At a minimum, these are going on my resume. You never know when the need for a career change will strike and figure my other me's have done all the heavy lifting...

A Simply Mahvelous Time, Part Deux

L hosted yet another smashing suaree, replete with tasty meatless lasagna (oh, the cheese!) and a bundt cake. She says she'll post the recipe on her blog. I'm thinking of making the ability to cook such a lactose-rich meal a requirement for the future Ms. The Doctor. My only complaint is that she left out the onions. One of the attendees doesn't like onions... (Wuss! Yeah, I'm calling you a wuss! Wha'cha gonna do about it? Huh? HUH? You best step back, son!)

Everything's Better on the LaserDisc!

I'm thinking of taking Strong Bad's advice on Lady-ing. I couldn't do any worse...

Bark Vader? Luke Skywoofer?

If you have a dog and your dog's piddled on the carpet, chewed those spiffy new shoes, or otherwise aggravated the hell out of you and you want to express your displeasure, but mere negative reinforcement won't suffice. When you want to have your dog just begging for the sweet release of death (or you simply can't conceive of "dignity" to your animal), then have I got the solution for you. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Bark Vader.

Strong Bad Comes Home

The lads at HomestarRunner have released the latest batch of Strong Bad emails on DVD, including the (in)famous "Crying" episode which, despite L's opinions' to the contrary, is the funniest thing on that site and arguably the internet. Order yours today! (And no, I don't work for them, but I gladly support amusements of this quality, especially without a banner or pop-up in sight..)

A Deeeeelightful Time

I was treated to a slightly belated birthday gnoshing, courtesy of L We dined over tasty plates of mongolian barbecued seafood and vegetables, topped off with sinful desserts (she had some apple confection, I stuck with tried-and-true chocolate cake & ice cream). Conversation generally revolved around logical databases, Diablo, audial/visual learning patterns and Harry Potter. The subject of love lives was strictly avoided, at least by me, as this was to be a festive event. I was event treated to a freshly baked L apricot something-or-other. (She told me, but I forgot.) Thankfully I have a few months until L's birthday so I can acquire a modicum of baking skills to properly return the favor.

Go, Doctor! Go, Doctor! It's Your Birthday!

So, like today's my birthday. I won't say how old I am, we Time Lords are a vain lot, only that I still (hopefully) have more years ahead of me than behind, so I'm not quite ready for the gold medalion and Ferrari... Though I could do with a buxom trophy wife... (is Monica Belluci available?)

At any rate, I'll be spending it sleeping in, then heading off to a local day spa so a delicate, yet skilled pair of hands can release me from the worries of this mortal coil for about an hour or so. Then I'll have some sort of meal with food I have no business eating, then off to my DJ friend's house so I can custom mix a CD of my favorite trance tunes. No cake specifically planned, don't need the candles. But L has promised to make me something yummy. Mmm....