Come Check Out My Circumstance!

Happy Senorial Day, everyone!

When Worlds Collide

Somebody slammed Star Wars and Strong Bad together.

I thought I'd felt the Earth wobble for a second...

It's Official: "Lost" is My Favorite Show of the Year

"We want the boy."

"I don't believe in destiny."
"Yes, you do. You just don't know it."

"Dude, you've got a piece of Artz on you..."

"No! Stop! The numbers are bad! The numbers are bad!"

B@stards! B@stards! I love this show! B@stards!

(Honorable Mention goes to Jack "Daddy" Bristow from Alias: "I'm trying to have more fun these days.")

He Was Grrrrrrrreat!

We lost Thurl Ravenscroft, who not only provided my childhood icon, Tony the Tiger, but also sang one of my all-time diddies, the Mr. Grinch theme. ("You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.") My inner 5 year old is in mourning.

Fluffy is TEH CUTE.

Haven't had much going on post-worthy lately (remember, kids, it's a Chinese curse), so I thought I'd pump up the cute quotient of my blogs. I give you Fluffy.

My blog needs some TEH CUTE.

Today's HeadDesk Moment Brought to You by Bayer

I don't normally take requests, but my friend Anyanka sent me a little exchange she had with her boss that just, well, as she put it, her pain needed to be shared. (Side Note: The term "Headdesk moment" derives from <\bangs head on desk\>. Over the lifetime of our emails, Anyanka and I have developed an XML-like tagging to describe various feelings and/or actions. As you might expect, Anyanka was referring to a situation that drover her so crazy, she literally wanted to bang her head on a desk. We have others such as <\waves pom poms\> and <\does Dance of Victory\> . )

Anyways, Anyanka's Headdesk Moment:

Me: The dll isn't working at Luna Station.
Boss: How come? I tested it yesterday here at the lab.
Me: So did I! <\looks at logs\> It's like this field here is null.
Boss: Oh, it does that sometimes.
Me: But the database you brought from the station only had zeros.
Boss: Yes, I updated it with zeros because it wasn't working.
Me: You... you... gah.. buh...
Boss: You didn't ASK me.
Me: How was I going to guess that? "Oh, by the way, did you happen to create the records by hand?"
Boss: <\glares\>

Anyanka transcended a mere "What the... Hell..?" moment by being rendered unable to form a coherent sentence.

I warned Anyanka that such little remarks might get one sent home on a long term basis and a card might not be enough. Her reply,

"Dear boss, I'm sorry you had a brain-fart."

We Gonna Pah-taaay!

One of my all-time favorite DJ's is coming one sultry June eve to my little berg for the first time. Needless to say I'm thrilled. It's on a Wednesday night, I won't go to bed until after 4am (if not later - I wouldn't be surprised if there's an after party somewhere) and I'd be crazy to try to go to work the next day. This, boys and girls, is why vacation days were created.


Lord Ferry's a coming to town...

My Life is an Unending Stnank

I've never felt closer to Strong Bad... except I don't have tall weird spotted yellow things bursting into my room... and I don't wear a lucha mask... and wish I knew Ali and her sister.

This Kid's Going to Have Issues

I just read on fark.com (one of my favorite sites, not only for the links, but for the brilliantly snarky comments like "jailarity ensues" and "Duke still sucks"). Anyways, some horribly deranged couple decided to name their kid Sephiroth, after the Final Fantasy 7 game character.

I'm actually impressed. I never thought someone would top the couple that named their kid Valen (Babylon 5, which I love, but not that much). I'm sure Kirk & Spock are already done, so those don't count. But surely we can top Sephiroth! My suggestions for sure-fire ways to get your child into daily fights at school and/or to help that therapist pay for his new Vette:

-Jar Jar
-Cylon
-Krevlornswath
-Strong Bad
-David Hasselhoff

"Mr. Miyagi's Dojo? Uh, yes, I'd like to buy a lifetime membership for my son Sephiroth, please."

My Dating Version of Jeff Foxworthy

You've probably heard at some point comedian Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck", which goes something along the lines of, "If you ever [insert punchline here], you might be a redneck." I'm thinking of adding a regular feature to this space which runs along the lines of "Chances Are There Won't Be a Second". I'll skip the obvious ones like constantly looking at their watch, or mentioning something about having to wash their iguana. And of course, being a guy, I can only make "observations" from my cro-magnon perspective, though there's undoubtedly an enterprising female out there who's come up with her own.

Ahem.

-If every other thing you say on a first date is met with "What makes you say that?", chances are there won't be a second

-If on a first date, she insists on paying for her half of the meal, chances are there won't be a second.

-If you ever have the following exchange on a first date:
"Thanks for a nice time, I really enjoyed your stories."
"Well, there's more where that came from."
"Yeah, I'm sure there are."
chances are there won't be a second.

-If your date ever looks up and goes, "Oh, look, there's a dead bug in that lamp," chances are there won't be a second. (This is my personal fave...)

And in keeping with the season, I'll make my obligatory tie-in with the upcoming Star Wars movie.

The Good Times are Over!

Bug in Mouth

I swear I don't know how the fine lads at homestarrunner.com keep up this pace...

Farewell, Ryan's, We Hardly Knew Ye

I shed a small tear.

On Saturday, to execute a preemptive strike on the Mother's Day madness, my family had congregated at a Carraba's to treat MatriarchPrime to some much deserved foodings and praisings. This particular Carraba's, however, was located at an intersection I had not ventured past since before the turn of the millennium. As I drove down this particular avenue, shock and dismay as I saw the treasured sign of my once-favorite buffet establishment, "Ryan's" replaced with some who-dat red & white "skillet" sign of some sort.

You have to understand, two of my most favorite memories took place there. First off, while Ryan's as a whole was no better than your standard feeding-trough, its dinner rolls were, simply put, the yeast-based avatar of Nirvana. In fact, it's not even my own experience that cemented this, it was Dudette's. I will forever remember the happy-dreamy look that came over her one gnoshing eve. Look up the word "content" in the dictionary and you could very well have found:

con·tent (kən-tĕnt)
n.

1. The countenance of Dudette upon consuming a Ryan's dinner roll.

The second event was the infamous "live action Scooby-Doo movie" conversation. Taking place well before those horrid pieces of tripe ever hit the screen, this was a discussion between myself and my two friends TheBeefWhoWatches (don't ask...but it's not what you think) and MustardBoy. We had cast the following:

Fred - Jim J. Bullock (Oh c'mon, we've always wondered about Fred...)
Thelma - Janeanne Garofalo (she's perfect!)
Daffney - Various unnamed actresses who rotate from scene to scene. (There purely to help Fred keep up appearances.)

But the real star was Shaggy, starring Dennis Hopper, reprising his "bad things" Nike referee role. You see, Scooby wasn't a live dog, he was really stuffed with a steel pole shoved up his wazoo & Shaggy waved him around like a baseball bat. And that whole talking thing? Only Shaggy could "hear" Scooby, thanks to heavy doses of LSD. In fact, the whole Mystery Machine bunch was pretty much a rolling pharmacy, if you know what I mean.

So the whole gang would go from sleepy town to sleepy town, helping the locals "unmask" the monsters. Unfortunately, due to their chemical induced hallucinations, everyone in town was a monster and those weren't really masks they were ripping off.

And yes, we'd already thought of the sequel, which would've introduced Scrappy, who was in reality a small feral child they'd occasionally kidnap from one of these towns. Shaggy would "instill" Puppy Power into Scrappy with... ah.. Scooby's "help", until such time that Shaggy would yell "We need a new Scrappy!" (which translates into one of the few phrases in Spanish I know by heart, "Neccessitamo un Scrappy nuevo!")

Yes, folks, this was an actual conversation and one I know irrevocably changed one man's life - the poor old guy who was sitting not 2 tables away, hearing every word. I caught a backwards glance, he was quietly eating his meal and not taking his eyes off us for one damn second...

Ah, Ryan's, I'll miss you so...

We Got a HomestarRunner for Sale!

You guessed it, new Strong Bad email!

Things You Might've Overheard at a Bennigan's at 10:45pm on a Saturday Night

"No, his presence doesn't prove God doesn't exist. It proves He does exist, but He doesn't like you."

"OMG! Racecar! Bling Bling!"

"Did you know DEADBEEF is a legitimate hex value?"

"The Beef watches..."

"OMG! DEADBEEF The Beef! pwned! Bling Bling!"

"You sin. All your base are belong to me."
"Us."
"What?"
"It's 'all your base are belong to us.'" [pause] "Crap, I can't believe I just corrected you."

"You taking home all those fries?"
"He just wants to take them to the park tomorrow and throw them at the birds." [throwing motion, crusty old man voice] "G__ damned pigeons!"

"Poop pants..."

"Well, it'd be tedious to assemble the beltfeed, but you can get 500 .22 rounds for 8 bucks..."

Goatface Killa is on the Loose!

Not a new Strong Bad email, just Marzipan's Answering Machine. Click around for the two easter eggs. (Goatface - Genius!)