My Hellhole of a Bathroom

I recently blogged about the subpar "service" I receive at my fine Camden establishement, but even I wasn't expecting the special hell unleashed upon me today. (I'll spin as best I can, but my brain can only convert so much into black humor...)

I was attacked by my shower this morning.

No, really. I was reaching for my bottle of shampoo when I noticed about 4 tiles bulging. I thought to myself, in my best Seinfeldian inner-voice, "Well this can't be good..." and made a mental note to call the maintenance promptly upon their opening. I was rinsing my hair when the tile version of "He's onto us! Make a break for it, boys!" erupted by a cascade of 30+ tiles (and one soapdish) crashing off the wall and into the tub. (At the risk of offending some, it was kinda like the Twin Towers. Once one tile went, the entire thing collapsed.) God or Someone was looking out for me because my only injury in this ceramic storm was a small thump on an (now bruised) ankle. If I had been standing two feet further up, as is my wont when letting hot water loosen stiff back muscles, I very well could have had some broken toes from the soap dish.

My mental note is now an immediate crisis. I call up PropertyManagerWoman (the same one who made the brilliant decision to remove the postal lockers) and relay my tale of woe. Her first question is "How did it happen?" with a tone that smacked of suggesting I had a hand in this. I had to restrain myself from firing back "From taking a sledgehammer to the wall... How do you think it [bleep]ing happened????" I reminded her that I had asked them to check for a water leak from my upstairs neighbors based on them having to repeatedly fix an area above the showerhead where the roof popcorn would fall away, leaving an ugly stain that eventually ate through altogether. She seemed to back off an suggest they'd take care of it.

I got a call this afternoon from PropertyManagerWoman saying they were On Top of This. I'd just have to sacrifice "showers" (sit down baths were ok). I figure they were already working on this. But no, upon my arrival late this evening, the tiles were all there. In fact, more came crashing down, and I suspect even more will. As you can see in the picture, the drywall behind the tiles is rotted and more mold has been unleashed into my environment than in my Ionic Breeze's worst nightmare. My nightmare too, I have dosed up on every prescription and OTC medicine I have to keep my allergies from blowing my head completely off my shoulders. Tonight's gonna be a bitch. If I had any brains, I'd rent a motel. As it is, I'm going to have to go to the gym just to shower for work. Can you f-ing believe it?

Why am I paying these people rent again???

Update: As of 12:30 on this fine Friday, the repairmen are nowhere to be found. Done by today? Yeah, right, if your name is Harry Potter.